Thursday, September 6, 2012

An Open Letter to the "Learning" Channel

 Dear Learning Channel,
I have, on occasion found myself tuned into your network because, true to your name, I do once in a while learn something from your programming.  Usually, what I learn is that birth control is wholly underused in much of the country.
 I have also learned that, by your actions, you endorse whole sale scam artists.  This is evidenced by the edition of the program Long Island Medium to your station.  If this is an example of your judgement I feel that I may have a few other suggestions for programs that you can add to your line up.

 Dumpster Quest
 A reality show based on digging through garbage in order commit identity theft.

 Plus all the second hand condoms you can eat!

Gold Diggers
 A reality show based on men and women who search the obituaries in order to find future love interests, also they are miners.

Maybe we'll skip the miner part and just stick with hot bitches

Cracker Jacks
 A reality show based on upper middle class white people getting lost in inner cities and getting robbed.

I don't remember there being this many Negros in Aspen!
 An Elephant in the Closet
  A camera crew follows male prostitutes known to service high ranking GOP officials.
Just try to imagine he's not cradling a 20 year old Filipino lad's ass.  You can't can you!
 
Surprise! I'm a Child Molester! 
 Basically it's like To Catch a Predator, but this time the camera crew is on the side of the creep, also no one gets arrested, also no one goes home afterwards.
Free Jonas Brother's tickets at the mall if I don't bring my parents! I'll be right there!
 You may notice that there is a theme here, if you haven't noticed, I'll point it out to you.  The theme, which you got me started on once you began to air a television show featuring a con artist, is taking advantage of people.
  You may feel that your actions are defensible due to a misguided belief that you are only providing entertainment.  However by putting this fraud on your channel you are guilty by association. You are endorsing this type of scam and giving your "psychic" legitimacy.  Indeed you are legitimizing the entire industry of those who prey upon the vulnerable and undereducated.  In short, you are the pay day lenders of television.
  Please take some time to search your conscience and discover if there is a spark of guilt that you feel at uplifting a scam artist.  If there is, I encourage you to fan that spark to a bright and roaring flame of self discovery in which you just may realize that you have done something terrible.  At that time I hope you decide to live up to your name and produce some programs in which your viewers may learn something.
  If on the other hand you find not a flicker of doubt and you decide to develop one of my ideas, I want 10% and a producing credit.  Blogging doesn't pay the bills after all.

L&P

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