How to Win an Internet Argument

    I once read that starting an argument online is easy, simply express an opinion and wait. You may have noticed that Facebook has become a bit of a battlefield.  Not unlike love, as was so accurately observed by one Pat Benatar.  This can partly be blamed on election season, also partly on the fact that manners on the internet have much in common that episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when Sweet Dee eats the cat food.  I like it, but rarely see it.

  I typically give online feuds the same amount of energy that I give real life feuds, zero.  My advice on this topic is always to simply not engage.  Recently I had a friend post a picture of Dollar Bill with the slogan, "In God We Trust" blacked out.  The poster said that he was offended by this but wanted to know what others thought.  Since this is a topic that I happen to know a bit about I offered my opinion in as polite a manner as I could.  Several of the responders were not as civil as I. Two of the responders had a back and forth that was interesting to observe from a psychological stand point and inspired this entry.

    Prior to disclosing the strategy for winning an online argument I feel it is necessary to define the terms so that we are all on the same page.

Argument - An exchange of differing opinions.  This can be be done in a civil manner, or not so much.

Internet - A place where people like to bitch about each other and enjoy pornography.

Win- This is a little more difficult to define.  There are some instances in which winning is easy to define.  For instance, if one is watching the Chicago Cubs play, winning is not what the Cubs are doing. Ever. However one may also lose in the short term in order to win in the long term.  Neo in the Matrix Trilogy lost his battle against Agent Smith in order to ultimately win peace for Zion.  I apologize, I should have given a spoiler alert. To make it up to you I will do it now.

*SPOILER ALERT*

The 2nd and 3rd Matrix movies sucked

This scene was pretty rad though

 For the sake of brevity and to respect the privacy of those involved I will not just copy and paste the back and forth but summarize and score.

Person A - Here is a well researched argument presented in a polite and respectful manner. 

+1 point for civility

Person B - I'm going to steer the conversation into the ditch and accuse everyone that disagrees with me of devil worship, also rant about an unrelated topic and pretend that it is what we have been talking about the whole time.

-1 point for dickishness

Person A - (actual response) Sigh

+1 point for condescension

Person B - A ha! You have no response therefore I win the discussion!

-1 point for not getting it

The final score is Person A 2, Person B -2 This argument goes to Person A.

Now the layman may think that Person B should have scored a point due to the fact that Person A did not reply.  This is not true.  What appears to have happened is that Person A took a look at Person B's post and realized that there was no point to continuing the discussion.  This was due to Person B's ignorance as to the rules of debate.
   I assume that Person A took a look around the room, observed their family and perhaps a pile of laundry that needed to be folded.  Person A then knew that further engagement would only result in a loss of precious time that could have been better spent with friends and loved ones`and laundry.  Person A knew that this was time that he would never get back and further engagement would lead to frustration, yelling, and perhaps a fist through the wall.  Since I believe that Person A is a home owner, this repair would come out of his pocket and it's just not in the budget this month.

In short, there are two strategies for winning and argument online.  The first is to use Bruce Lee's philosophy also known as the art of, "Winning Without Fighting".

Although to be fair, when your this ripped, not a lot of people want to fight you.

  The second strategy is the tactic demonstrated by Person A.  Lose the battle in order to win the war.  Give the dink on the other end the satisfaction of thinking that they won so that you can move on with your life and spend time with your family, friends, and video games.   In other words, realize when the person you are sparing with is not interested in an exchange of ideas but in having a time wasting contest.
  I suppose there is also the third option that two individuals of differing opinion will come to some sort of agreement after a polite if spirited debate of well researched and thought out ideas.
  If you see that somewhere please post it.  It may be the holy grail of the internet.  Once found it will bring the world together like the purchase of a coke.

It occurred to me that I had a Kung Fu theme going with the pics and felt compelled to include this.  As a side note, David Carradine isn't even Asian!!!

 

 In closing I will make the following recommendations to improve society as a whole.

• Google should invent an a-hole filter for jerky comments which would be triggered by the word "Hitler"
• Lets train dogs to bark songs that aren't Jingle Bells
• Can we just all agree that Ghost Hunters is NOT proof of life beyond death?

L&P