Our Silent Partner

If one was to ask us about the members of our family we would list each other, our three daughters, our two sons, our two cats, and our dog. But there is a family member that we would be missing. That member is Chimney. Now Chimney isn't a member of the family in the traditional sense. Chimney lacks a circulatory system, doesn't eat, doesn't poop, and is by far the quietest of our brood.

It's the little one

Chimney is Merritt's constant companion.  If we are going on vacation, Chimney rides shotgun next to Merritt in her seat.  If Merritt is heading to bed Chimney is next to her on her pillow. When the zombies rise and begin to feast on the living, before we retreat to our subterranean stronghold, and begin our new life as mole people;   I better make sure that we have Chimney packed and secure.  If we forget that small bundle of fluff, I'm going to have to hack and wade my way back through the walking dead to retrieved our honorary family member.

Merritt inherited Chimney from her eldest sister about three and a half years ago and for a long time our 7 year old proudly announced to strangers that we have a pet wolf. A REAL PET WOLF NAMED CHIMNEY.

God help anyone foolish enough to doubt this claim.

I bring Chimney up because we are about one month into the beginning of the new school year. This timeline is in spite of my attempts at flying around the earth and increasing it's rotation thereby speeding up time. 

shut up and let people have fun

This has brought up memories of the last time we were in this place. I'm speaking of Merritt's first experience of show and tell. Being that Chimney had been Merritt's constant companion up until this point, and remains her buddy to this day, I assumed that her wolf was a slam dunk for the first show and tell.

Sadly her long term buddy had to wait until the next week and was superseded by this costume.

Wakanda Forever

I'm not opposed to my child dressing like T'Challa. Far from it. In fact, I think that all school uniforms should be Avengers based. I'd much rather watch the East County Asguardians take on the Central City Agents of Shield.   Hell I'd watch those teams in a golf tournament, and I don't even like sports.

I found myself worried about Chimney's feelings. It's a weird place to be in when you are in your 40's and experiencing anthropomorphism. 

Logically I know that Chimney is a stuffed animal, has no brain, and no ability to feel rejection. That being said, I made double certain that Chimney was placed next to Merritt for several nights following that event. You know... just in case. In case Chimney needed extra cuddles.  In case the stuffed wolf was sad. 

As parents, we are always worried about how our kids are going to turn out. We want our children to be kind, smart, clever, fun, funny, and interesting.  

I suppose that when Merritt decided to leave her life long buddy behind I was worried that our sweet heir to the throne of Wakanda was demonstrating a lack of empathy and concern for her friend.  I need reminders that sometimes my kids are just going to be kids. Being excited about a new toy is appropriate and doesn't mean that she's going to turn her back on friends later on in life. I have an amazing partner that gives me those reminders.

It turns out that so far my fears have been unfounded.

As I write this Merritt and her brothers are throwing a birthday party for Chimney. It consists of music, dancing, and a request for baked goods.  The sound track consists of songs that Chimney "likes". I have no idea how that selection criteria works or how today was decided as the day of her REAL pet wolf's birth.

The important thing is that Merritt is making sure that her friend being celebrated.  Just like a good friend should.

Cheers

L&P

Stuck

It's been about 10 years now since the two halves of Levity and Perspective joined forces
and I thought it would be fun to share what I consider an important moment in our relationship.
Before I shed some light on this particular moment, a little background information.

One of the fun things about having a kid with Down Syndrome is that the diagnosis comes
with a host of other medical issues. One complication that Maggie had dealt with was frequent
choking. Due to this, my wife, myself, and Maggie's older sister have gained more than a
passing familiarity with the Heimlich maneuver. After several doctor appointments, 911 calls,
and more than a few PTSD inducing choking events, it was decided that in order to counter this
issue Maggie would need vascular ring surgery to reroute her esophagus.


Maggie had already had several hospitalizations due to chronic aspiration pneumonia, a mitral valve repair, an AV canal repair as well as a diaphragmatic hernia. When I say several hospitalizations I don't mean like a couple of dozen. For the first few years of her life she was in the hospital nearly as often as not. I learned all of this second hand as I was not yet in the picture. This surgery would be my first venture in to the wonderful realm of inpatient care.

At this point we had been together for several months and were in love. It was wonderful, but I had been in love before. I did not know yet that this was going to be the big one. I remember the moment that I came to this realization.

Maggie was having her central line dressing changed. This was located in her neck and as far as I understand, was a line that fed directly into her aorta. Probably a fairly routine procedure when done on a willing patient. Due to Maggie's inability to understand what was going on, she would not be a willing participant. Imagine trying to thread a needle, but you are performing said needle threading on horseback at a gallop, also if you miss the eye of the needle your needle can bleed to death. Nurses really are amazing.

I myself had no idea what was about to unfold but began to gain the smallest bit of understanding as my wife prepped the nurses. I remember the phrases, "Don't underestimate her strength" and "we'll need more people" being repeated several times. Part of me thought that five adults to restrain a 9 year old child seemed excessive. But the confidence with which the woman that would eventually become my bride spoke caused me to believe that we may be short handed.

Don't worry she made it. We had her raking leaves within the hour.

What transpired next would forever redefine the words love, trust, and strength to me.

As the nurses held Maggie down and performed their duties, my better half held our daughter's face and reassured her. Maggie did not understand the procedure but she knew that it hurt and she was afraid. She fought with every ounce her little body could muster. The nurses were nearly outmatched. They performed admirably.

I have never felt more useless. As the nurses and Maggie and a woman that I'd only known for a few month's struggled, a shameful thought occurred to me.

I could just leave.

Everyone was distracted and I could be halfway to the parking lot before anyone even noticed I was gone. This was too much, WAY too much for me too deal with. I wasn’t ready for this.
Up to this point in my life I'd never dealt with anything this scary or intense. I'd had relationships aplenty, but I'd also done a pretty solid job of avoiding anything that smacked of any REAL responsibility or sacrifice. This blatant display of love, bravery, trust, and raw emotion was a lot to process.

She told Maggie it was all going to be OK. She told Maggie that it was almost over. She told Maggie that she was safe. She told Maggie that she knew that it hurt and she was sorry.
Maggie believed her, Maggie trusted her. This was a situation that the woman that I was in love with had been in several times and she kept doing it; she did it over and over and over again. She would face this every day for the rest of her life if necessary. I had never seen such strength. I never would again.

All thoughts of flight disappeared. Cowardice was replaced with a steely determination to stay as close as possible this woman for the rest of my life. I was stuck. Not stuck in a bad way; like in a cage with 5 rabid koalas. Stuck in a good way, like on a couch with 3 happy sloths and a new season of (whatever you're into).

On my best days I feel like I stand in the shadow of her courage. I'll never not be impressed with her. She is the most amazing person that I’ve ever known and in knowing her, I am becoming a better me. I’m not proud of the me that she initially fell in love with nigh a decade ago. The me that saw a scared Maggie and wanted to flee; but I’m getting pretty happy with the dude that has been created, in no small part, by her love.

She is way out of my league, I hope she never figures that out.

Cheers

L&P

Enter the Doggone

About a month ago we were presented with an offer that we felt that we could not refuse.
One of the Levity and Perspective mom's were informed of a Goldendoodle that was in need of a new home. Her name was Ruthie and she belonged to a loving family. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond the families control they couldn't spend enough time with the dog and felt that she would be happier in a home where she would receive more attention. They were seeking a nice family that would be willing to take Ruth in and provide a loving and supportive environment.

Since a nice family could not be located, we volunteered our services.

Her name has remained mostly the same since we took her in though Merritt added a second name. So I now present Ruthie Anna.

Hi

The nick names that she has received thus far are Ruth Bader Dogsberg, Baby Ruth, Doggo, Ruthersford B Hayes, and Ruby. She is also called each of the childrens' names when we are particularly flustered.

Now, being that my wife and I are both in our 40s, have multiple college degrees and professional licenses between us, have a child entering her Junior year of college, and have had less than 4 severe head injuries occur in our household over the past couple of years, one might assume that we are competent enough to make this decision on our own. One might think that others would grant us the basic respect that we had thought through whether or not we should add another happy face (dog or otherwise) to our home. One might imagine we had weighed the pros and cons and carefully plotted out our family budget and arrived at outcome that this would be a positive for our family.

Strangely this was not the case.

Now we may be a bit sensitive on the topic because many of our decisions such as, having a kid with special needs, having a third kid, having twins, adopting cats (by the way we have two cats too),  and our LA Guns cover band, have been met with similar skepticism and dour attitudes.

It should be noted that the only of the aforementioned choices that we have come to regret is the one that I just made up.

Some folks still ask with a sour tone, "Why? Would you want a dog too? Have you thought this through?"

Well I'll tell you why:

1. We wanted to
2. Entertaining two five year olds and a seven year old is tough work and we needed the help
3. Picking up cheerios is cumbersome 
4. She makes us happy
5. We like fun
6. None of your damn business
7. She encourages us to exercise more
8. She is awesome
9. She makes us smile
10. Still none of your damn business

We realize that our life might strike others as overwhelming, and it is. But we are the ones living it. We are competent adults capable of  making decisions on our own. To assume otherwise is insulting and speaks more to your inability than ours.

Would you tell Michael Jordan how to dribble a basketball? No you wouldn't, because he's Michael Fucking Jordan.  Am I saying that we are the Michael Jordan of big families? Yes I am. Minus the gambling and with more crying. 

Why did we buy a white couch?

If you think I'm wrong then why don't you raise five kids and show me how to do it better.

What's that? You don't know how to? You wouldn't want to?

In that case might I recommend that you provide us with the same advise that I provide test pilots as they approach mach 2? Which is none. My advice to them would be unsolicited, unappreciated, and most of all uneducated.  I know exactly nothing about being in those circumstances so I keep my lip buttoned.

That is not to say that no one should voice an opinion on the matter. I'm speaking of course of the stake holders; those that are directly effected by the decision. As far as I can tell there are three stake holders in this situation; ourselves, Ruthie Anna, and the mom that will occasionally be asked to dog sit. I will now list the stake holders opinions on the adoption below.

Us: For it
Mom: For it
Ruthie Anna: Woof

That's three to zero, the Aye's have it.


Cheers,

L&P

Birthday Blues

I can remember how much I looked forward to my birthday and Christmas as a youngster. Without being weighed down by any knowledge of economics and the burden of Santa’s actual address, the sky was the limit when it came to not only what I could ask for, but also what I expected.

For several years running, I asked for a lightsaber. Not a toy one. A real one. One that could cut through things. A green one. A REAL GREEN LIGHTSABER.

This one

When I was a kid, the rule about opening presents was “no sour grapes”. In other words. Be thankful for the gifts you receive and no bad attitudes.

I think I did a pretty good job of following this rule but that didn’t mean that I didn’t suffer in silence when I realized that all of the gifts had been opened and I remained without my Jedi weapon of choice.

In hindsight, I do not blame my parents for this. After all, lightsabers would be a very irresponsible gift for a child and they do not exist.

Enter our son Oliver. 

Hi

In the unlikely event that you are unfamiliar with our fun family dynamic, I’ll quickly inform you that Oliver is our youngest of five children. He is also a twin. His birthday is December 23rd. Which, as my wife is fond of saying, means that he has to share a birthday with his brother and Jesus.

Meeting birthday expectations is already a steep climb for parents, steeper when said expectations are not grounded in physics or a realistic budget.

I have included an incomplete list of some of Oliver’s demands.

• That sword
• That power ranger’s Zord
• That thing on your back that you put two swords and then go like this (ninja like sword drawing maneuvers)
• That motorcycle
• That motorcycle too
• A dog with pointy ears
• A robot dog with pointy ears
• That thing that you put on a horse and you ride behind it and do this (indecipherable hand gestures)
•  A REAL power ranger suite
• All of the power ranger Zords
• A remote control Spiderman motorcycle
• That black remote control car that we saw at the store that one time
• A horse thing that you sit on (saddle?)
• That game
• A horse
• That game too
• A real robot that does that thing
• All of the video games
• A lightsaber

Since we live in the future most of the television consumed by our children is via streaming services, thus commercial free. On the rare occasion that Oliver (or any of our kids) does watch television with commercials the request list spikes considerably.

I don’t want to give the impression that our youngest is the only one making these requests.  He’s not.  However, he is the most vocal and repetitive of our quintet. On a slow day, Oliver has a cruising speed of approximately 55 RPH (requests per hour).

We typically acknowledge these requests with a canned, “We’ll see” or “Maybe”, or “Can you draw a picture of it that we can send to Santa?”, or “Maybe if you change the oil in the Subaru we can come to some kind of arrangement.”

We know that this is typical kid behavior. As mind numbing as it can be to hear the same request for the 100th time in a three-hour period we manage the frustration for the constant demands for our attention. He is not always going to ask us for things. There will be a day when he can buy all of his own things and we will be out of the loop. The tricky duality of parenthood is both looking forward to and dreading that day.

Maybe someday science will catch up with my kid’s demands and he can get that lightsaber. By then he will be old enough to responsibly wield it. Until that day, I have some shopping to do. By December 23rd these should be just about ready.

Cheers,

L&P

Tips and Tricks

So as you, the frequent reader knows, we have five children, a 17 year old, a 15 year old that has Down syndrome with a smattering of autism, a four year old who identifies as a three year old, and twin two year olds. One of the most frequent questions that we get is, "How do you manage?"

Well being that we do this blog not only to share our story but also to help out fellow parents, I thought it would be sporting to answer this question with our organization tips that we use to help keep our sanity.

So here it goes.

1. Put all of the kids' diapers on at once: Changing a diaper takes about 3 minutes. Since the boys have twin power, they have synchronized their bowel movements, every time there is a diaper change, there are two diaper changes. That means roughly 6 minutes for every poo. The way that we shave time off of this chore is to put 7 or 8 diapers on the kid first thing in the morning. Sure the clothes are a bit snug but the time you save just stripping off only the outer most diaper is invaluable.
2. Always wear a hockey mask. Kids can be messy; we have a hard enough time trying to keep them clean. A hockey mask not only keeps the kids messes off of me, but it is surprisingly comfortable. Also kids LOVE masks!
3. Cry Driving: When you have three toddlers begging for your attention at all times, the tension mounts. Being overwhelmed isn't an occasional occurrence; it's a way of life! I've found that the best way to release some of that pressure is when behind the wheel. Not only does this assist in getting out of tickets (no officer with a heart can ticket a sobbing 37 year old man) but it models good driving habits for our 17 year old. Namely, being able to multitask when driving.
4. If you have a child with special needs then you know the frustration of trying to get the school district to follow through with your kids IEP (Individual Education Plan). Save time and frustration by assuming everyone involved in your child's education is stupid. During the IEP meeting speak slowly and clearly. Bring shiny objects to keep thier attention and a punching bag to release the rage in a safe place. (Side note, this does not apply to Maggie's grade school teacher, that woman is a mother f'n saint!)
5. Remember not to neglect the emotional needs of your spouse. Make eye contact at least three times a day.
6. Showering can take up to 20 minutes and is only considered a necessary daily activity in some westernized countries. Aquaman never showers and he is the King of Atlantis. If not showering daily is good enough for royalty, then maybe it's good enough for you too. Think about it.
7. Sleep is a necessary evil, but the bible says that we should work against evil. Utilize the knowledge that god gave you and fight that drowsy eyed demon with the chemistry of amphetamines.
8. Maintaining the safety and security of your home is your responsibility as the adult in the home. Purchase a hand gun and fire it into the air outside your home at random times throughout the day and night. Soon your reputation will grow and no one will dare come within spitting distance of your abode.
9. A pet is a great way to teach your child responsibility. But if your child neglects the dog or cat then guess who’s on the hook for animal neglect? Not your toddler that's for sure! Cut out the middle man and just leave an animal carcass someplace in your house.
10. Take time for yourself. Of course, no one in your house will let you do this, because they are all selfish a-holes that have no respect for your time, personal space, or all the hard work you put into maintaining the home. So just cross your fingers and hope that you don't lose your damn mind before they are all in school and it buys you three f'n seconds of peace and quiet.

Cheers

L&P

p.s. this is satire, we love our kids, please don't report us.

How to Eat a Doughnut in 100 Easy Steps

How to Eat a Doughnut in 100 Easy Steps

(a guide for parents of large families)

1. Remove doughnut from the box you purchased yesterday. Come on you didn't think you were going to get it the first day did you? Sucker.
2. Place doughnut on a plate.
3. Put the plate someplace that the babies cannot reach it.
4. Move plate to someplace that the toddler cannot reach it.
5. Notice poopy diaper.
6. Prepare to change the daiper.
7. Remove babies onesie.
8. Begin to remove diaper.
9. Move babies hand away from poop.
10. Move babies hand away from poop again.
11. Wipe poop from your hand.
12. Complete diaper removal.
13. Wipe baby clean with baby wipe.
14. Pick up second baby.
15. Place second baby away from first baby.
16. Wipe poop from second babies hand.
17. Wipe poop from your own hand again.
18. Finish wiping first baby clean.
19. Wipe poop from your own hand again.
20. Remove second babies hand from first babies genitals.
21. Move baby two farther away.
22. Fasten diaper on baby one.
23. Look longingly at doughnut.
24. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for second baby.
25. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for toddler.
26. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for first baby again.
27. Forget doughnut existed.
28. Remove laundry from drier.
29. Move laundry from washing machine to drier.
30. Start new load of laundry.
31. Start new episode Paw Patrol for the toddler.
32. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for baby number two again.
33. Make mental note to wash hands before making lunch.
34. Begin making lunch.
35. Shrug shoulders, wash hands.
36. Notice doughnut.
37. Place babies in high chairs.
38. Reach for doughnut.
39. Catch baby falling from high chair.
40. Fasten baby into high chair, for real this time.
41. Give babies and toddler lunch.
42. Pick up food from floor because toddler, “DOESN'T WANT CARROTS!”
43. Pick up and comfort crying toddler because you said she needed to have one bite.
44. Look longingly at doughnut.
45. Get toddler crackers and cheese.
46. Pick up crackers and cheese from the floor because toddler, “WANTS CARROTS!”
47. Remove babies from high chairs.
48. Forget about doughnut.
49. Make quesadilla for the 14 year old.
50. Start “North Avenue Irregulars” for the 14 year old.
51. Remove climbing babies from the table top.
52. Gather bottles for all interested parties.
53. Remove babies from the table top again.
54. Lay all chairs in the house on their sides to prevent babies from climbing on the table top.
55. Lay toddler in bed surrounded by books.
56. Offer eternal soul to Jesus, Satan, Buddha, Odin, Kirk Cameron, Aquaman, Morgan Freeman, and anyone else willing listen to ensure the toddler takes a nap.
57. Pick up crying baby number 1.
58. Change diaper.
59. Pick up both crying babies and adjust bottles their mouths.
60. Answer door with foot.
61. Politely decline religious solicitation while attempting to set fire to hand held pamphlets with your mind.
62. Set down crying babies in order to attend to screaming toddler.
63. Refill toddlers nap time beverage of choice.
64. Remember doughnut.
65. Pick up babies and bottles.
66. Rock until baby is asleep.
67. Attempt to set baby in crib.
68. Pick screaming baby back up.
69. Repeat step 66.
70. Attempt to set down baby number two.
71. Repeat steps 66 through 68.
72. Sob uncontrollably.
73. Place babies in cribs.
74. Repeat step 49.
75. Help 15 year old with homework.
76. Listen to 15 year old pitch idea about Firefly fan fiction.
77. Dick around on Facebook for 3 minutes.
78. Remember doughnut.
79. Repeat steps 28 through 30.
80. Repeat step 68.
81. Attempt to use restroom.
82. Release remaining pride as screaming and thrashing baby attempts to deseat you from atop the toilet while being held in your arms.
83. Repeat step 72 and 66.
84. Attempt to clean kitchen while holding sleeping baby.
85. Remember doughnut.
86. Attempt to set baby down on couch.
87. Repeat step 68.
88. Offer crying baby bottle, toys, and money in that order.
89. Place sleeping baby on couch.
90. Repeat step 77.
91. Repeat steps 50 and 56.
92. Return to doughnut.
93. Search for doughnut.
94. Find 15 year old.
95. Watch as 15 year old devours the last of the doughnut.
96. Contain unfathomable despair and rage.
97. Repeat step 57.
98. Change diaper.
99. Repeat step 72.
100. Begin cooking dinner.

Well kids that is a peak into our daily lives. I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget we still have some raffle tickets for sale here. We appreciate all of the support we have received thus far and are close to reaching our goal.

Cheers.

L&P

Welcome William and Oliver!

On the left we have Robert Oliver Kendall 4lbs 15 oz. Born at 5:38 am. On the right may I present William Alexander Kendall 4lbs 2oz born at 5:37am. Birthday of 12-23-12.

So, both boys are here and safe.  But this was almost not the case.  Let me take you back to the 23rd of December 2012 3:30 in the morning.

If you could just imagine the flashback effect of your choice it would really help me out a lot.  You know fade away, the wavy effect, or a camera shot of the window showing the snow falling then slowly panning to my wife and I asleep in bed.  It wasn't snowing but that seems to be a good one.

Really I've thought about it but I just can't figure out how to do a flash back in blog form. 

Wife: My water just broke.

Me: It's go time.

Wife: This is blood.

Me: That's not good. I'll call 911.

Wife: Hang up, it's probably just blood in the amniotic fluid.

Me: Is that a thing?

Wife: Yes.

This is going to be a bit spotty because I had a lot of adrenaline pumping and Flash Bulb memory is a tricky thing.  If you don't know what flash bulb memory is then look it up, it's kind of fascinating and I don't want to get to off track.

Anyways, we were able to get a hold of a friend that was nice enough to speed over and keep an eye on our littlest while she slept.  As we got ready to leave my wife pumped a few quarts of blood out, which was scary as hell.  It might not have been quarts but it sure seemed like it.  

On the way to the hospital the wife and I reassured each other and held hands.

After arriving at the hospital we were rushed into the operating room for an emergency C-section.  We had planned on having a C-section all along but we were planning on doing it in a few more weeks. 

While they were preparing her for the operation there was several attempts at giving my wife an IV.  Usually 

my wife is an easy stick so we were both confused and frustrated by this.  We found out later that it was hard to insert the IV due to her blood loss.  I suppose I can tell you at this point that we were not really aware of how serious the situation was.

At one point I remember one of the doctors asking if the wife wanted her tubes tied regardless of the outcome.  I answered quickly in the affirmative not realizing that the question indicated that there was some pessimism as to whether or not both boys would survive.

William was born about a minute prior to Oliver.  His team had him wrapped up and in my arms pretty quick.  Oliver's team worked on him for what seemed like a really really really long time.  

Eventually both the boys were stabilized enough to be moved to the nursery while the wife was moved to recovery.

At this point I asked for a debrief on everything that had happened medically speaking.  I was informed that my wife had experienced what is called a placental abruption.  In a nutshell, my wife had been bleeding to death and if we had been 10 minutes later to the hospital I would have gone from being a married father of five to a single father of one. We may have lost the twins and I probably wouldn't have much legal claim to my older two kids due to them being my step children.  This means both that I am not their biological father, and they starred in the Step Up film series.  

This experience has led to a new rule in my marriage.  That being, "Whoever is bleeding the least gets to make the medical decisions."

Today everyone is healthy and recovering well.  We hope to have the boys home early next week.  

If any of our readers would care to visit please remember that the boys are medically fragile.  That means that if you are sick, stay away.  If you do not have current flu shots, we love you but please do not visit yet.  If you or your children are not up to speed on your vaccines, we love you but do not wish a visit until this is corrected.  Again, everyone is healthy and we hope to keep it that way.  Please give us a heads up if you plan to visit and try to keep your visit brief as energy is on the low side.

The attention and quality of care we have received from the nursing staff and doctors has been nothing short of excellent.  

We will try to keep everyone posted on our progress. I am certain that I am missing many details which will be filled in over the next few weeks.

Thank you again to everyone for support .  Particularly; a cousin who I haven't seen in over a decade that offered to purchase a car seat for us, mothers and fathers who have dedicated time and funds to assist us, as well as family and friends who have lent time and effort to keeping us sane.

More as our journey continues.

L&P