Please Post Responsibly

It is not uncommon for an individual to reference a particular class or teacher whose influence is so great that their words of wisdom echo throughout the rest of their days.

This is likely why many people get into teaching. Either that or all of the millions of dollars, throngs of adoring fans, and of course the harem of lovers.

I'm assuming that's how it works at least.

Anyways I have been fortunate enough to have had many such teachers and experiences but for today's post I'm going to focus on a few such experiences and how they have assisted me on forging an opinion on why so many people suck at social media.

David Bedrick and the Witness

 Mr. Bedrick taught more than a few of my undergraduate classes and one of the lessons that really sticks to me to this day is the lesson of the witness's role in abuse.

I'll try to put it in a nutshell here.

The idea is that there are three parties when it comes to abuse. The abuser, the abused, and the witness. The abuser does the abusing, the abused gets abused, and the witness is the first person that the abused tells about the abuse. The interesting thing about this dynamic is that the witness can do more damage than the abuser.

I'll give you an example

Batman tells Robin to go polish up the Batmobile. Robin does a shitty job. Batman slaps Robin. Robin tells Alfred. Alfred tells Robin to stop being such whiny little orphan and to take it like a man.

Obviously this is a silly example but I think you get the drift. Robin is asking for help and is shut down, then forced to fight full grown psychopaths that have firearms with his bare hands and occasionally a stick. Had Alfred maybe notified Child Protective Services perhaps this little acrobat would have been kidnapped less than several dozen times.

Stop Getting Kidnapped!

Critical Thinking

This class had a lasting effect on me as it was the first time I was introduced to the concept of logical fallacies. Logical fallacies are thinking errors and there are many different flavors. One of my favorites is the post hoc ergo propter hoc (after this therefore because of this) logical fallacy.

Our brains are designed to recognize patterns and are so good at it that we sometimes find patterns that aren't even there. Every time I eat cereal for breakfast, I find my keys right away. Therefore the cereal must be helping me find my keys. This, of course is stupid. My thinking that the cereal is helping seems sound but is a combination of the post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy as well as something called selection bias. AKA remembering the hits and forgetting the misses. Yes there have been lots of times that I had cereal and then found my keys right away, but there were also lots of times that I had cereal then couldn't find my keys because toddlers. I'm more likely to remember the hits that endorse my belief than those that counter it due to my bias.

Stay with me because I'm about to make an important point and bring these two different life lessons together.

Every so often a video will become popular on social media that grabs the attention of folks that don't seem to fully grasp the concept of child abuse as they parade this gem about their facebook or what not along with their 2 cents on the topic such as, "A good spank'n woulda taught that brat a less'n"

The most recent video, which I will not post a link to for reasons that should be obvious showcases a child having what is called by the poster, "a tantrum". Now this kid may be having a tantrum. Or this kid may have autism spectrum disorder and not be able to control his behavior. From the video it is impossible to tell.

Now if this kid has autism spectrum disorder and you repost this video, or one similar to it then congratulations, you are mocking a sick person that is engaged in a life long struggle. This person at their age may not even understand why they are different or why they are having such a hard time. They are frustrated and struggling to make sense of their emotions and do not have the ability to contain their frustration.

If this kid does not have autism spectrum disorder then congratulations. The people that this kid is trusting to teach them the basic skills to guide them through life thinks so little of them and respects  them so little that they thought it wise to post this video so that they can be mocked by strangers in droves. The internet doesn't forget dear reader. Most of us are fortunate enough to not have our most
humbling moments recorded for all of time and shared with the world.

Now to bring this back to my previous life lessons. The individual that recorded this poor kid is the abuser, the kid is the abused, if you re-posted this, you are the witness.

 True the kid didn't come to you for help or even tell you about it himself and given the option, he probably wouldn't have. Also true is that  also this kid did not experience any physical violence that we can see.

In my opinion, this does not let the re-poster off of the hook.  By reposting this video, or one like it, you are an active participant humiliating and shaming a child.

Wasn't I saying something about logical fallacies?

Oh yeah.

The comments like, "This kid needs a good whoop'n" are at best ill-informed and at worst strait up psychotic.

I'm always stunned and hurt by the fact that people I know and freely choose to associate with have this opinion. Rather than follow my first instinct and unfriend those with opinion's other than mine I'm trying to take the high road and drop some knowledge that I with either stick or won't. Either way, I'm making my effort. So here it goes.

Spanking doesn't work. You might think it does because you were spanked. If you disagree then click here and read.  It's not my opinion, it's science. You may as well argue against evolution, gravity, and vaccinations. The numbers are in and the verdict is don't spank.

Some may make the argument, "But I was spanked and I turned out fine!"  I would like to point out firstly that you may or may not be fine, you don't know. People that are not fine frequently don't know that they aren't fine. I know this because I've been around enough drunk people that assured me that they were fine shortly before vomiting on their own shoes and passing out.  If that is "fine" then it is a definition of the word that I was previously unaware of.

Secondly, if you are fine it is not because you were spanked; it is in spite of the fact you were were spanked.  The belief that spanking changes a kids behavior is a post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy.
"The kid threw a fit and I whacked him and he stopped throwing a fit so whacking kids work! Not less kid whacking! More kid whacking! Kid whacking today, kid whacking tomorrow, kid whacking forever!!!"

Again the research does not support this. The kid may stop at that moment, but it does nothing to address why the kid was acting out or teach the kid how to appropriately manage their emotions in the future.

I feel a little bit like I'm letting you guys down because I typically try to keep things light and fun here. This subject has been bugging me for a while though and I wanted to get it off of my chest.

I'll do my best to make the next entry about how Oliver insists on at least 20 minutes of "Naked Time" follows each bath.

Cheers.

L&P

 P.S. For more on David Bedrick check out his website here.

How to Eat a Doughnut in 100 Easy Steps

How to Eat a Doughnut in 100 Easy Steps

(a guide for parents of large families)

1. Remove doughnut from the box you purchased yesterday. Come on you didn't think you were going to get it the first day did you? Sucker.
2. Place doughnut on a plate.
3. Put the plate someplace that the babies cannot reach it.
4. Move plate to someplace that the toddler cannot reach it.
5. Notice poopy diaper.
6. Prepare to change the daiper.
7. Remove babies onesie.
8. Begin to remove diaper.
9. Move babies hand away from poop.
10. Move babies hand away from poop again.
11. Wipe poop from your hand.
12. Complete diaper removal.
13. Wipe baby clean with baby wipe.
14. Pick up second baby.
15. Place second baby away from first baby.
16. Wipe poop from second babies hand.
17. Wipe poop from your own hand again.
18. Finish wiping first baby clean.
19. Wipe poop from your own hand again.
20. Remove second babies hand from first babies genitals.
21. Move baby two farther away.
22. Fasten diaper on baby one.
23. Look longingly at doughnut.
24. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for second baby.
25. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for toddler.
26. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for first baby again.
27. Forget doughnut existed.
28. Remove laundry from drier.
29. Move laundry from washing machine to drier.
30. Start new load of laundry.
31. Start new episode Paw Patrol for the toddler.
32. Repeat steps 5 through 23 for baby number two again.
33. Make mental note to wash hands before making lunch.
34. Begin making lunch.
35. Shrug shoulders, wash hands.
36. Notice doughnut.
37. Place babies in high chairs.
38. Reach for doughnut.
39. Catch baby falling from high chair.
40. Fasten baby into high chair, for real this time.
41. Give babies and toddler lunch.
42. Pick up food from floor because toddler, “DOESN'T WANT CARROTS!”
43. Pick up and comfort crying toddler because you said she needed to have one bite.
44. Look longingly at doughnut.
45. Get toddler crackers and cheese.
46. Pick up crackers and cheese from the floor because toddler, “WANTS CARROTS!”
47. Remove babies from high chairs.
48. Forget about doughnut.
49. Make quesadilla for the 14 year old.
50. Start “North Avenue Irregulars” for the 14 year old.
51. Remove climbing babies from the table top.
52. Gather bottles for all interested parties.
53. Remove babies from the table top again.
54. Lay all chairs in the house on their sides to prevent babies from climbing on the table top.
55. Lay toddler in bed surrounded by books.
56. Offer eternal soul to Jesus, Satan, Buddha, Odin, Kirk Cameron, Aquaman, Morgan Freeman, and anyone else willing listen to ensure the toddler takes a nap.
57. Pick up crying baby number 1.
58. Change diaper.
59. Pick up both crying babies and adjust bottles their mouths.
60. Answer door with foot.
61. Politely decline religious solicitation while attempting to set fire to hand held pamphlets with your mind.
62. Set down crying babies in order to attend to screaming toddler.
63. Refill toddlers nap time beverage of choice.
64. Remember doughnut.
65. Pick up babies and bottles.
66. Rock until baby is asleep.
67. Attempt to set baby in crib.
68. Pick screaming baby back up.
69. Repeat step 66.
70. Attempt to set down baby number two.
71. Repeat steps 66 through 68.
72. Sob uncontrollably.
73. Place babies in cribs.
74. Repeat step 49.
75. Help 15 year old with homework.
76. Listen to 15 year old pitch idea about Firefly fan fiction.
77. Dick around on Facebook for 3 minutes.
78. Remember doughnut.
79. Repeat steps 28 through 30.
80. Repeat step 68.
81. Attempt to use restroom.
82. Release remaining pride as screaming and thrashing baby attempts to deseat you from atop the toilet while being held in your arms.
83. Repeat step 72 and 66.
84. Attempt to clean kitchen while holding sleeping baby.
85. Remember doughnut.
86. Attempt to set baby down on couch.
87. Repeat step 68.
88. Offer crying baby bottle, toys, and money in that order.
89. Place sleeping baby on couch.
90. Repeat step 77.
91. Repeat steps 50 and 56.
92. Return to doughnut.
93. Search for doughnut.
94. Find 15 year old.
95. Watch as 15 year old devours the last of the doughnut.
96. Contain unfathomable despair and rage.
97. Repeat step 57.
98. Change diaper.
99. Repeat step 72.
100. Begin cooking dinner.

Well kids that is a peak into our daily lives. I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget we still have some raffle tickets for sale here. We appreciate all of the support we have received thus far and are close to reaching our goal.

Cheers.

L&P

Why do you ask?

As most of you know I have an 11 year old daughter with Down syndrome.  She brings tons of joy and laughter to our lives, but she is by no means "very loving" or "really sweet" she is her own person with likes and dislikes and mood swings, orneriness, silliness and sweetness. I really don't believe she falls into any generalization about persons with Down syndrome.  She has had many health problems including two open heart surgeries and one closed heart surgery, diaphragmatic hernia repair, and too many other surgeries to count, several hospitalizations due to pneumonia's and other infections.  It is most likely that due to these surgeries and other illnesses she is more developmentally delayed than she would have been had she not experienced so many illnesses.  It often feels like my life is largely devoted to keeping her healthy. She also has, what we like to refer to as a "side" of autism.  She is largely non-verbal, but she uses a device to help her communicate, knows a few signs and has vocabulary of about 100 words, but her receptive language is expansive. 

I adore her.  I would not want my life to be any other way.  She is perfect.  I would choose her again and again.  My love for her is as deep and complex as it is for my other "typical" children.

What I find totally fascinating is that I am constantly asked if I knew she had Down syndrome before she was born.  The answer is YES, I did know.  I was 11 weeks pregnant when I learned I was expecting.  When I had an ultrasound to see how far along I was, the ultrasound tech detected thickening on the back of her neck which would indicate a chromosomal abnormality.  I then had an early amniocentesis which clearly identified her chromosomal abnormality as Trisomy 21, meaning she had an extra 21st chromosome.   I was devastated. I did a lot of grieving.  I felt like I would never be able to live a "normal" life again.  I did not want to be different than everyone else.  But as I pondered all of the families I knew, I realized that all of us are different in some way.  Some families have children with ADHD, Autism or drug addiction.  Very few of us are able to know what our children face before they are born.  So for me, continuing the pregnancy was a no brainer. She was my BABY, and I already loved her and wanted to protect her.

In the months leading up to her delivery, I did lots of grieving.  I also did lots of research.  I knew through a fetal echocaridogram that she would need open heart surgery by the time she was 3 months old.  I learned that kids with Down syndrome benefit from early intervention and lots of stimulation.  I prepared my life to welcome this new baby into our family.  I had friends who agreed with my decision to continue my pregnancy and I lost a few friends who thought it was cruel to bring her into the world.  For me the decision was deeply personal, not something I thought anyone else had the right to weigh in on. 

By the time Maggie was born I had prepared myself in every way I knew.  When she arrived, I was shocked by was her perfection!  She was so beautiful with a head full of silvery hair and wise blue eyes that could melt your heart.  I had done most of my grieving prior to her arrival and was able to rejoice in her flawlessness. I was able to open my heart to her and begin the battle for her survival.
So the answer is yes, I knew.  That is the beginning of Maggie’s story and my journey as her mom.  She is a blessing, as all children are.  She is zany, and I mean zany.  My life is filled to the brim with adventure.  She challenges me to be a better mother and a better person.
Please feel free to ask me questions about Down syndrome, I love to answer them.  In many ways she is different than many children, but her similarities are many as well.

This is Maggie. She has had an AV canal repair at 11 weeks, and Mitral valve repair at 3 years old, and a vascular ring repair at 9. She is quite a little character!