Please Post Responsibly

It is not uncommon for an individual to reference a particular class or teacher whose influence is so great that their words of wisdom echo throughout the rest of their days.

This is likely why many people get into teaching. Either that or all of the millions of dollars, throngs of adoring fans, and of course the harem of lovers.

I'm assuming that's how it works at least.

Anyways I have been fortunate enough to have had many such teachers and experiences but for today's post I'm going to focus on a few such experiences and how they have assisted me on forging an opinion on why so many people suck at social media.

David Bedrick and the Witness

 Mr. Bedrick taught more than a few of my undergraduate classes and one of the lessons that really sticks to me to this day is the lesson of the witness's role in abuse.

I'll try to put it in a nutshell here.

The idea is that there are three parties when it comes to abuse. The abuser, the abused, and the witness. The abuser does the abusing, the abused gets abused, and the witness is the first person that the abused tells about the abuse. The interesting thing about this dynamic is that the witness can do more damage than the abuser.

I'll give you an example

Batman tells Robin to go polish up the Batmobile. Robin does a shitty job. Batman slaps Robin. Robin tells Alfred. Alfred tells Robin to stop being such whiny little orphan and to take it like a man.

Obviously this is a silly example but I think you get the drift. Robin is asking for help and is shut down, then forced to fight full grown psychopaths that have firearms with his bare hands and occasionally a stick. Had Alfred maybe notified Child Protective Services perhaps this little acrobat would have been kidnapped less than several dozen times.

Stop Getting Kidnapped!

Critical Thinking

This class had a lasting effect on me as it was the first time I was introduced to the concept of logical fallacies. Logical fallacies are thinking errors and there are many different flavors. One of my favorites is the post hoc ergo propter hoc (after this therefore because of this) logical fallacy.

Our brains are designed to recognize patterns and are so good at it that we sometimes find patterns that aren't even there. Every time I eat cereal for breakfast, I find my keys right away. Therefore the cereal must be helping me find my keys. This, of course is stupid. My thinking that the cereal is helping seems sound but is a combination of the post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy as well as something called selection bias. AKA remembering the hits and forgetting the misses. Yes there have been lots of times that I had cereal and then found my keys right away, but there were also lots of times that I had cereal then couldn't find my keys because toddlers. I'm more likely to remember the hits that endorse my belief than those that counter it due to my bias.

Stay with me because I'm about to make an important point and bring these two different life lessons together.

Every so often a video will become popular on social media that grabs the attention of folks that don't seem to fully grasp the concept of child abuse as they parade this gem about their facebook or what not along with their 2 cents on the topic such as, "A good spank'n woulda taught that brat a less'n"

The most recent video, which I will not post a link to for reasons that should be obvious showcases a child having what is called by the poster, "a tantrum". Now this kid may be having a tantrum. Or this kid may have autism spectrum disorder and not be able to control his behavior. From the video it is impossible to tell.

Now if this kid has autism spectrum disorder and you repost this video, or one similar to it then congratulations, you are mocking a sick person that is engaged in a life long struggle. This person at their age may not even understand why they are different or why they are having such a hard time. They are frustrated and struggling to make sense of their emotions and do not have the ability to contain their frustration.

If this kid does not have autism spectrum disorder then congratulations. The people that this kid is trusting to teach them the basic skills to guide them through life thinks so little of them and respects  them so little that they thought it wise to post this video so that they can be mocked by strangers in droves. The internet doesn't forget dear reader. Most of us are fortunate enough to not have our most
humbling moments recorded for all of time and shared with the world.

Now to bring this back to my previous life lessons. The individual that recorded this poor kid is the abuser, the kid is the abused, if you re-posted this, you are the witness.

 True the kid didn't come to you for help or even tell you about it himself and given the option, he probably wouldn't have. Also true is that  also this kid did not experience any physical violence that we can see.

In my opinion, this does not let the re-poster off of the hook.  By reposting this video, or one like it, you are an active participant humiliating and shaming a child.

Wasn't I saying something about logical fallacies?

Oh yeah.

The comments like, "This kid needs a good whoop'n" are at best ill-informed and at worst strait up psychotic.

I'm always stunned and hurt by the fact that people I know and freely choose to associate with have this opinion. Rather than follow my first instinct and unfriend those with opinion's other than mine I'm trying to take the high road and drop some knowledge that I with either stick or won't. Either way, I'm making my effort. So here it goes.

Spanking doesn't work. You might think it does because you were spanked. If you disagree then click here and read.  It's not my opinion, it's science. You may as well argue against evolution, gravity, and vaccinations. The numbers are in and the verdict is don't spank.

Some may make the argument, "But I was spanked and I turned out fine!"  I would like to point out firstly that you may or may not be fine, you don't know. People that are not fine frequently don't know that they aren't fine. I know this because I've been around enough drunk people that assured me that they were fine shortly before vomiting on their own shoes and passing out.  If that is "fine" then it is a definition of the word that I was previously unaware of.

Secondly, if you are fine it is not because you were spanked; it is in spite of the fact you were were spanked.  The belief that spanking changes a kids behavior is a post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy.
"The kid threw a fit and I whacked him and he stopped throwing a fit so whacking kids work! Not less kid whacking! More kid whacking! Kid whacking today, kid whacking tomorrow, kid whacking forever!!!"

Again the research does not support this. The kid may stop at that moment, but it does nothing to address why the kid was acting out or teach the kid how to appropriately manage their emotions in the future.

I feel a little bit like I'm letting you guys down because I typically try to keep things light and fun here. This subject has been bugging me for a while though and I wanted to get it off of my chest.

I'll do my best to make the next entry about how Oliver insists on at least 20 minutes of "Naked Time" follows each bath.

Cheers.

L&P

 P.S. For more on David Bedrick check out his website here.

Can You Keep A Secret?

          As many of you know half of the writers of L&P work in mental health. This field of work is simultaneously rewarding and frustrating. Rewarding because helping someone who needs help is always rewarding. Frustrating for many reasons but the reason I would like to focus on today is how the field in which I work is misrepresented.

When I was a kid I thought that mentally ill people all thought that they were Napoleon and got locked up for their own good and to keep them from accidentally conquering all of Europe. This was due to the way in which the mentally ill were portrayed in Warner Bros. cartoons. Now that I work in mental health I have learned that there is somewhat more nuance to mental health than simply putting shackles on anyone that tucks their hand into their shirt.

          It is important to let those that do not work in this field know that the Hollywood version of the world of mental health is inaccurate to the point of damaging.  Specifically the way in which a client's personal and confidential information is handled.  

          If you have watched more than a couple of episodes of Law & Order SVU then you have more than likely seen an episode where the detectives interview a therapist (or other mental health worker). The conversation usually goes something like this,

Detective: I’m a detective; tell me everything about this person.

Therapist: I can’t, because of rules.

Detective: I will destroy you!

Therapist: Oh ok, let me tell you everything then.

Look at my hairline and fear me!

In reality the conversation is more like this.

Detective: I’m a detective; tell me everything about this person.

Therapist: I can’t because of rules.

Detective: Oh, right, there are rules. Ha ha, as a matter of fact, now that I think about it, following and enforcing rules is pretty much my job.

Therapist: Yeah, can you imagine how much it would suck if you were just going around violating peoples civil rights all the time.

Detective: You are right, that would suck.

Both: Ha Ha Ha!

Therapist: Let’s make out.

Detective: Ok.

          I may have taken a little dramatic license with that but I think you catch my drift.

          This is damaging because many people that seek professional help are ashamed of the fact that they need help. Many of the problems that can be worked through with therapy are embarrassing and the idea that one’s inner most demons are up for discussion with anyone is terrifying to the point that some individuals would rather die than know that the trust placed in their therapist was betrayed.

Those considering seeking help for mental health issues may decide to avoid it because the privacy rules seem so lackadaisically enforced in pop culture. Those that work in the mental health field treat their clients’ privacy with care and seriousness. If a client does not trust those that are working with them then the therapeutic relationship is ham stringed. It would be like working as a carpenter but having a prejudice against hammers.

It's just to easy

Thanks to this portrayal of the privacy rules between a therapist and their client it may be thought by the general public that these rules are no more obeyed than rules regarding jaywalking, internet piracy, or the usage of folding chairs in professional wrestling.
If you'd like to read up more on privacy in mental health then check this out HIPAA.

Please dear reader know that if you are considering seeking help from a mental health professional that your privacy is of the utmost importance to those that would help you. If you are already involved in with a mental health professional know that your privacy is secured.
However, if you think that you are Napoleon, then know this, Waterloo is a great song by Abba, but not a place I recommend you visit.

Cheers,

L&P