Throughout my tenure as a parent to a special needs child I have learned many valuable lessons. One of these lessons can best be summed up in a quote by Albert Einstein. I include his first name to ensure that you do not confuse this Einstein with the purveyors of my favorite coffee and bagels at Einstein Bagels. By the way Einstein Bagels, endorsement deals are available for your fine products.
Anyways, Albert Einstein once said, "Only two things are infinite, the Universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
This was brought into glaring clarity several months back when talking to a co-worker. We had some down time and conversation turned toward our children and eventually, as any proud father would do, I began to show off pictures of my kids. When I got to pictures of Maggie the co-worker turned to me with a concerned look on her face and asked, "Whats wrong with her?" Being the eternal optimist that I am I assumed that something was smeared on the picture so I looked at the picture, finding nothing wrong with it I asked her to clarify. At this co-worker made a gesture to her face and stated, "Her eyes."
"Oh, she has Down syndrome." I responded, not really thinking much of it.
I should point out that this co-worker is of Asian decent so the next part I was going to chalk up to her unfamiliarity with the Kings English. After all, what other reason could there be for her then saying, "Oh that's bad."
Again, being the eternal optimist I was going to let her clarify since, at least at this point. She couldn't possibly mean what it sounded like she meant. She continued, "My sister found out that she was going to have one of those and she told that doctor to take it out she didn't want it. It's really bad."
I'm going to stop here to clarify something because I am treading on delicate territory. I am not going to go into anything about reproductive rights, or when life begins, or anything like that. That is not what this blog is about. Moving on.
At this point in the conversation I was faced with two choices. The first choice was that this woman is a stone cold stupid bitch. I mean bitch on the Ann Coulter level of Bitchdome. That reminds me of a joke.
Ann Coulter walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Then the bartender beats her senseless with a softball bat wrapped in barbed wire.
The second choice was that what I might be experiencing was a difference in how various cultures view those with special needs. I have been told that in the past the Japanese viewed any physical deformity with great shame. I thought to myself that perhaps this was a view that was prevalent in many Asian cultures. I didn't have time to look it up mid conversation, so I gave my co-worker the benefit of the doubt and assumed that she was not being rude, just responding to an individual with Down syndrome in a way that is appropriate in her native culture. Not unlike a person who is told that being gay is an abomination their entire life without ever actually meeting a gay person may respond. If an individual grew up never having that "truth" challenged then why would they not think that homosexuality is an abomination. Then again, a few lines after that verse in the bible it also says that shellfish is an abomination and I have yet to read a news report on Red Lobster being protested by the Westboro Babtist Church.
Moving on.
The academic that I am I was excited for the opportunity to educate her, "There is nothing wrong with her, she just has Down syndrome." To me, and many other parents of children with special needs, this statements makes perfect sense. To her it must have sounded like I was saying, "What do you mean your computer is broke, it's just in two pieces now." I make this assumption based on the look of confusion that spread across her face. She then asked if my wife had known that our daughter had Down syndrome prior to giving birth. I did not have the time or presence of mind to capture my wife's elegant thoughts on this question which can be viewed here. I informed her that, yes, my wife did know.
She then asked, "Well why did she have it then?" in retrospect I am impressed at my ability to not turn from loving and caring father into a machine that's sole purpose is to dispense neck punches to undersized Asian women. After all, what parent doesn't love having their child referred to as "it". This coupled with a display of arm movements which can best be described as flabbergasted.
I put the question back to her as to why wouldn't my wife have her, after all, there was nothing wrong with her.
The conversation ended here due to the fact that we were suddenly expected to do work of all things.
I am still unsure if her response to my daughter was ignorance driven, some good old fashioned prejudice, or culturally driven. Which brings me to my next point. Other cultures are stupid. Dammit out of time, I will have to tackle that one next time.
L&P
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