Reboot To The Head

Recently our Little's have been discovering some of the things that I delighted in when I was a kid. Many of these ideas have been revamped, re-imagined, and updated to appeal to a new generation. Among these is Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Scooby Doo, Voltron, She-Ra (coming soon), Ducktales and many others. As I'm viewing these with the kids I'm seeing them through the eyes of a parent, not the target audience. It's an interesting experience and it's led me to what may be considered a controversial opinion. Master Splinter was a shitty father.

Garbage

But he taught him them to fight evil and become heroes! 

Maybe,  but that isn't all he did.  Consider the following. 

•  He raised them in a sewer. 

They are in New York City. I know that social services are tricky to navigate but an abandoned warehouse, a shelter, a car, an abandoned subway car, any of those would likely be a better environment for raising a family than where poop lives. I suppose you could make an argument that Splinter was trying to keep them from being ostracized do to looking different. But if that is the case what you are really saying is that the every kid that wasn't aesthetically awe inspiring was braver than the heroes on the half shell. 

•  He prioritized violence over socialization.

Splinter's children were kept under lock and key until they were teenagers. If you heard of anyone else doing this you would demand that child services intervene. They had no way of making friends outside of their little cult and the only social modeling demonstrated for them was on television.  They don't know how to make friends or navigate complex social interactions. They do know how to kick someone's molars into their stomach though.

• No female role models.

Splinter is clearly an incel. I'm sure that being a rat-person makes it hard to meet that special someone. That doesn't mean that his boys shouldn't have some exposure to women folk that isn't filtered through cable TV. Not only are they being raised to expect an unrealistic beauty standard, but also unrealistic relationship standards. 

• He didn't vaccinate his children.

I'm making an assumption here. I suppose "Splinter takes the boys in for a well child check" wouldn't make an exciting episode.  However since he doesn't seem to take advantage of any other social services, I think it's safe to say that they aren't contributing to herd immunity.

• Poor nutrition.

Pizza has protein, veggies, whole grains, and occasional fruit (pineapple is great, don't @ me). All the basics are there. But not for EVERY meal. Eat the rainbow kids.

• Weird boundaries

He made them call him Master. He didn't go with dad, pops, father, uncle, or any other endearing nickname. He went with Master. What is the opposite of master? Slave isn't it?  Talk about toxic masculinity. Also he never wore pants.

Now I understand that Splinter wasn't exactly given the proper tools for raising well adjusted individuals; he's a rat, a mutant, has a trauma history, and I'm not sure about what kind of parenting was modeled for him.  I also know that it's not exactly proper to shame other parents.  We are all going through struggles and he was a single father of four. So maybe I should cut him a little slack.

The more I watch these kids' shows the more I'm struck by how many problems are solved with what I call, "punch based interventions".  In other words, two characters have a disagreement, rather than talking things out, fists fly and before long a victor is declared. Might makes right in these instances nearly every time. 

My concern is, while entertaining, this is poor preparation for conflict resolution later in life.  I'm not saying that there shouldn't be violence on TV. Considering the amount of pro wrestling I watched as a kid, it would be pretty hypocritical of me to do so. Watching that much WWF did give me an unrealistic expectation for how often in life I would solve a dispute with a short arm clothesline followed by a DDT. (If you can name the wrestler I'm thinking of post it in the comments and give yourself 10 L&P points!)

 I enjoy a good fight scene as much as the next guy.  However some variation problem solving would be a good idea. A few years back I saw this little bit of wonderful. 

Wasn't that nice? 

It was wasn't it?

Very nice.

Leonardo should still be trashing the Foot Clan members with his dual katanas. I dig that, it's exciting. But maybe every so often Splinter can encourage Michelangelo to learn some collaborative problem solving skills along with his sewer surfing (yuck). 

Maybe if the Ninja Turtles talked to some of the Foot Clan members instead of their default reaction being nunchucks of doom, there would be less Foot Clan members and more contributing members of society.

In conclusion, Master Splinter sucks, the Flash is awesome, and vaccinate your kids.

Cheers

L&P