R Word Part Deux

      A while back I posted this blog including some arguments and counter arguments regarding use of the R word. Something that I did not cover well in this entry was why the R word should not be used. While this might be obvious to some, others may require a bit of explanation. Being that we are advocates for special needs education, it makes sense that we should also be advocates for educating others about those with special needs.

      I suppose I can start by telling you that what inspired this post was an exchange with an old friend who had used the R word in a face book post. I feel compelled to point out to anyone that I feel is smart enough to discuss the topic without feeling attacked that using the R word is thoughtless and rude. I have found that I get better success when these discussions are private and I do my best to make sure the other party does not feel attacked or shamed.

     The discussion I had with this particular friend was a perfect example of how it should go. The following is a quick summation of how the discussion went.

Me: Hey dude, that hurts my feelings.

Friend: I’m sorry, I wasn't trying to be a dick.

Me: I know you’re not a dick you are awesome.

Friend: No YOU are awesome.

Me: No you are awesome, also handsome.

Friend: You too!

Hugs.

So without further adieu,

1. It is Rude: If I was to meet a person named Richard and I immediately began to refer to him as Dick I would be considered rude. If said Richard was polite and patient and said something along the lines of, “I prefer Rich or Richard” but then I continued to call him Dick, then which of us would be the dick? I think you know the answer….Its me, just in case you didn't know the answer. In case you had not received the memo, no one wants to be called the R word. The R word is hate speech.
2. It makes you look like an asshole: Like I just stated using the R word is hate speech. If you would be comfortable substituting any other word you know to be hate speech for the R word and would not bat an eye. Then congratulations, you, sir or madam, are an asshole. However, if you would be comfortable using the R word, but hesitate at use of another word that is considered hate speech, maybe one that starts with the letter N, then maybe you are just a hypocrite and a coward.. This brings me to my next point.
3. If you use the R word then you are bully: Sarah Silverman, made an excellent point (not about the R word but about something else), when discussing the use of hate speech. Some hate speech is considered a bit naughty, but it is socially acceptable. While other hate speech makes you a social pariah. For example; racial slurs about Asians are acceptable on prime time television, while hate speech about African Americans is a big no no. The point that Ms. Silverman makes is that the reason for this is that no one is afraid of Asians so it is ok to make fun of them. Whether she means physically afraid, or financially afraid (think bus boycott) I do not know. The same reasoning applies to use of the R word. If someone lets loose with one slur but hesitates at other slurs, then we can pretty easily draw the conclusion that it is because they either do not fear or do not respect one of those groups. What makes this person a bully is that they are essentially beating up the group that can defend itself the least. Speaking of respect…
4. You are also disrespecting the advocates: Every aspect of our lives is affected by the fact that we have a child with special needs. I mean EVERY. I will not list these off as I feel that would become tedious and I have a hard enough time staying on task. I may go into this in greater detail at a later date, but for now I’m going to just ask that you trust me when I say that we do not even get a break when we are asleep. We work hard to try to ensure that Maggie has the best quality of life possible. We take a lot of pride in this while at the same time always feel as though we could be doing more. When someone uses the R word, they are not only disrespecting our child, but also us because they are being dismissive of our child who also deserves respect. 
5. You are on the losing side of history: Much can be told about a culture by it’s language. When I was a kid I was told that Eskimos had 100 different words for snow. I did not realize until I was older that this was not a reflection of how boring it must be to talk to an Eskimo, but of how big a role snow played to the lives of Eskimos. The huge number of words for snow reflected the many different kinds of snow and subtle differences which would most likely be lost to me. Also, I’m pretty sure that the number 100 is wrong but I don’t feel like looking it up. The reason I bring this up is because our language is a snapshot of who, when, and where we are. If I was to talk to an elderly person from the south and they dropped the N word but did not seem to do so in a hateful fashion, I would probably just assume that the reason that they thought this was an acceptable thing to do was because, it is a reflection of their era. While this person’s grandchildren would be horrified (I hope), at the cavalier use of such a hateful word, it would be a peek into a time when it was not considered a hateful word at all. I am not psychic but when considering current trends towards tolerance and cultural sensitivity, I think it is safe to assume that the R word is going the way of the Dodo. So please, if you do not want to embarrass your grandchildren, be a bully, be an asshole, or just be disrespectful to yours truly, start to make correction action to your language now.

I realize that this entry may not effect any change whatsoever.  Some who read this may consider me overly 

sensitive.  We are Maggie's parents and it is our responsibility to advocate for her at every turn. If you still 

feel the need to use this word I will encourage you to remember what Jesus said.

"Don't be a dick."

Jesus is a guy I worked at a restaurant with.

L&P