I may have a Gypsy Curse

You may ask why I am sitting here soaking my feet in beet juice.  You also may ask why I have a bra on my head and why I have shaved my head or why I have applied my wife's make up to my face.  Well the answer dear reader is simple.  I am attempting to appease a gypsy curse.

If you have been following our blog then you may have noticed that my family and I have had a streak of bad happenings.  I'm a fan of statistics and I have studied the frequency of these unlucky events and as far as I can tell the odds of this much misfortune happening to one family in this small amount of time is roughly the same amount of chance that Hellen Keller had of winning a Darts Championship.

Yesterday I discovered that I have shingles.  Upon the advice of many of my co-workers, upon finding out that my wife and I were expecting twins I began to squirrel away all the sick and vacation time I could.  I currently  have just enough saved up to keep my wife from murdering me for abandoning her with three children under the age of two when I do return to work.  I am going to have to dip into that reserve... awesome.

Also our dryer broke again and had to be fixed.

Also Maggie broke the shower door.

Also the door on our minivan broke.

Also one of my headlights just went out.

Also Maggie hasn't been sleeping so I have been staying up with her and she is scratching her head like she has lice again.

Also Maggie appears to be getting sick.

I understand that the series of inconveniences that my family is struggling with is nothing compared to those who have lived through hurricane Sandy, or those individual's who live in areas where their is a general lack of food, water, and safety.  I did want to acknowledge that my problems are first world problems and temporary.  That being said, this knowledge does little to alleviate the frustration I feel at my current situation.


My working theory for why my family keeps finding misfortune is that I have somehow offended a gypsy.  According to the research I've been doing, appeasing a gypsy curse is more of an art than science.  But from what I can tell it involves some humiliating acts, turning around in circles, and spitting over my shoulder. 

Excuse my while I yank out some chest hair with these pliers.

I think pain is probably supposed to be involved with atoning for whatever offense I committed as well. 
Again, more art than science.

Perhaps I was overheard badmouthing the show, "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" or any of the other Gypsy based reality TV shows. Which, incidentally strikes me as a REALLY niche market but seems to have lots of followers.  Or perhaps I cut someone off in traffic.  Or perhaps raisin cookies is a favorite among the gypsy community and my inane online ramblings ruffled some feathers, or scarves.

Pardon me again while I down this glass of vinegar and cat hair... yuck.

So whatever it was that I did and whoever you are among the Gypsy community that I offended, I hope that I plan on watching the movie Gigli several times in the next twelve hours.I hope that you are satisfied.

L&P

P.S.

Upon completing this entry I handed it to my wife to proof read.  The baby cried and I picked her up.  Shortly thereafter I was bathed in baby puke.  Not only is the gypsy not appeased, but I am done with fete cheese for a while.