Our Silent Partner

If one was to ask us about the members of our family we would list each other, our three daughters, our two sons, our two cats, and our dog. But there is a family member that we would be missing. That member is Chimney. Now Chimney isn't a member of the family in the traditional sense. Chimney lacks a circulatory system, doesn't eat, doesn't poop, and is by far the quietest of our brood.

It's the little one

Chimney is Merritt's constant companion.  If we are going on vacation, Chimney rides shotgun next to Merritt in her seat.  If Merritt is heading to bed Chimney is next to her on her pillow. When the zombies rise and begin to feast on the living, before we retreat to our subterranean stronghold, and begin our new life as mole people;   I better make sure that we have Chimney packed and secure.  If we forget that small bundle of fluff, I'm going to have to hack and wade my way back through the walking dead to retrieved our honorary family member.

Merritt inherited Chimney from her eldest sister about three and a half years ago and for a long time our 7 year old proudly announced to strangers that we have a pet wolf. A REAL PET WOLF NAMED CHIMNEY.

God help anyone foolish enough to doubt this claim.

I bring Chimney up because we are about one month into the beginning of the new school year. This timeline is in spite of my attempts at flying around the earth and increasing it's rotation thereby speeding up time. 

shut up and let people have fun

This has brought up memories of the last time we were in this place. I'm speaking of Merritt's first experience of show and tell. Being that Chimney had been Merritt's constant companion up until this point, and remains her buddy to this day, I assumed that her wolf was a slam dunk for the first show and tell.

Sadly her long term buddy had to wait until the next week and was superseded by this costume.

Wakanda Forever

I'm not opposed to my child dressing like T'Challa. Far from it. In fact, I think that all school uniforms should be Avengers based. I'd much rather watch the East County Asguardians take on the Central City Agents of Shield.   Hell I'd watch those teams in a golf tournament, and I don't even like sports.

I found myself worried about Chimney's feelings. It's a weird place to be in when you are in your 40's and experiencing anthropomorphism. 

Logically I know that Chimney is a stuffed animal, has no brain, and no ability to feel rejection. That being said, I made double certain that Chimney was placed next to Merritt for several nights following that event. You know... just in case. In case Chimney needed extra cuddles.  In case the stuffed wolf was sad. 

As parents, we are always worried about how our kids are going to turn out. We want our children to be kind, smart, clever, fun, funny, and interesting.  

I suppose that when Merritt decided to leave her life long buddy behind I was worried that our sweet heir to the throne of Wakanda was demonstrating a lack of empathy and concern for her friend.  I need reminders that sometimes my kids are just going to be kids. Being excited about a new toy is appropriate and doesn't mean that she's going to turn her back on friends later on in life. I have an amazing partner that gives me those reminders.

It turns out that so far my fears have been unfounded.

As I write this Merritt and her brothers are throwing a birthday party for Chimney. It consists of music, dancing, and a request for baked goods.  The sound track consists of songs that Chimney "likes". I have no idea how that selection criteria works or how today was decided as the day of her REAL pet wolf's birth.

The important thing is that Merritt is making sure that her friend being celebrated.  Just like a good friend should.

Cheers

L&P

Adventures in Maggie Rearing vol. 5

The decision to move to a smaller town was one filled with anxiety. One of the largest sources of this anxiety was that a smaller county would mean fewer resources for our sweet Maggie. While living in a bigger town we had access to a cheer leading team for kids with special needs, we knew other parents of kids with special needs, were a part of the community, and were already on a first name basis with many emergency room workers.  

Another thing that we were leaving behind was the hard fought progress we had made with the school district. To give credit where credit is due, my wife did the fighting. I was the Adrian to her Rocky. After several battles and years of struggles we finally had a teacher with which we were happy. Prior to this we had suffered through several individual education plan (IEP) meetings which frequently began and ended with tears (and also had tears in the middle).

For the uninitiated, an IEP is the course that the educators are supposed to follow to best serve an individual with special needs. A road map if you will; tailored to maximize a student’s strengths and best support the areas that need improvement. 

One meeting in particular comes to mind.  When we say "that person brings nothing to the table" it's usually a figure of speech. When you have an IEP meeting and the other half of the table; including the speech pathologist, special ed. teacher, occupational therapist, regular ed. teacher, and special ed facilitator, all LITERALLY bring nothing to the table, it was a bit disheartening. This meeting took place END of the school year.

They had worked with our child for near a full school year and had learned exactly nothing about her. They had no input as to what goals should be set for the next year. No trail of bread crumbs for her next team to follow.

Imagine hopping in a vehicle that you were wholly unfamiliar with, I don't mean having to drive a manual transmission when you are used to an automatic.  I mean driving a helicopter when you typically pilot a rickshaw. Also in a town that you had never been to before. One where everyone speaks Klingon.  You decided on a lark that you were going to find a speakeasy that plays fusion jazz. You would be lost and confused quickly. 

This was the same course of action that many of our daughter's former educators took

Were we more litigious individuals, I’d be writing this blog on Maggie's fancy new computer.  As it stood, we were honestly too devastated and overwhelmed to take any such action.

This is not to say that we have not been a party to legal action on Maggie’s behalf in the past. A few years back it was brought to our attention that the school district had been cutting the special needs class time short daily to accommodate bus traffic. Now if you are an individual that does not have a child with special needs you may think, “Well they might take longer to get on the bus so that makes sense.”

Well check your privilege my friend, because this is in fact a violation of a kid's right to a free and appropriate public education (FAPE).  If you are still wondering what the big deal here is ask yourself this question. If the school district had cut all of the Hispanic kids' days short would it be a big deal? What about the African American kids? What about the kids with red hair? Is it OK to reduce their amount of time in the classroom to make it easier for the other kids?

The correct answer (in case you were wondering) is NO! That is bigotry! Also illegal. Also a violation of their civil rights. Long story short, we were a part of a class action lawsuit; which ended with rewarding us two weeks of summer school.  You can find the story here. Fast forward to the first day of school in a smaller town.

                Maggie’s bus drops her off.

                I look at the time.

                The school day should not be over for another 10 minutes.

                I look at a fan.

                I see some shit.

                My stomach drops, because I know what is about to happen to that fan.

William Congreve wrote, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” That saying only exists because Ol’ Billy C, never saw a mother of a child with special needs fighting for her kid.  To paraphrase Charles Xavier, “I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul that stands between my wife our childrens’ FAPE.”

              
Upon the mention of the previous legal action we were involved in and a few other choice words the school district remedied the situation immediately. On this I am torn. I’m happy that the situation was resolved quickly. I am upset that if we had not threatened to rock the boat, Maggie would still have a shortened school day. I am also saddened that I have no way of knowing how long this practice was par for course prior to my wife's involvement. I shudder to think of the dozens if not hundreds of children with special needs whose rights were violated and hours of education missed.

We did the math and that equals about a week of missed instruction a year. That is a lot considering this is also a population that is prone to health issues. This makes every minute in the classroom that much more valuable.

I suppose if any good can come of this it is that none of the children with special needs in our school district need worry about missing out on their free and accessible public education. Especially the Hispanic students at the elementary school with special needs whose parents may not know about FAPE; either due to English not being their first language, or fear of rocking the boat due to immigration status.

Except that isn't what happened.  For the two years following my wife's phone call, we watched as the students with special needs at a school attended by our other children left early on a daily basis after.  We mentioned this inconsistency to school staff on several occasions. Finally, over summer break we submitted an email to the school superintendent. 

This school year started last week. Thus far, to our relief, the buses are running on time; for ALL students. I don't know our email had anything to do with it (we never received a reply), and we don't care. Well, maybe a little. In a petty 'ha ha told you so' kind of way. Not very mature of us. But we have to take our wins where we get them. Even the petty ones.  

On a happy note, our anxiety regarding Maggie’s current teacher was misplaced.  She is amazing. Really amazing, a wonderful advocate for our kid and we have been beyond pleased with her. Also, Maggie's grade school teacher up to grade 5? Her original home address is likely behind pearly gates. That woman is an angel sent strait from Valhalla and I'll have words with anyone that says otherwise.

Transitions are hard.

Cheers

L&P