Spring is upon us
and with it, spring time outside activities. For our little Merritt,
that includes enjoying the swing in our back yard. She can spend
hours gliding through the air with the happiest expression that
anyone has ever had plastered on her face. I enjoy this as well
since it really is minimal effort on my part, and I get to feel like
I'm a good parent since my kid is not in front of the TV.
This last
week, during one such outdoor excursion I was pleased to hear her
ask, “Dad, do you want me to push you?” This made me feel like
the king of all success. Not only was my child enjoying herself and
lost in a state of bliss known only to toddlers. But she apparently
thought to herself, “This is so awesome, I love the way this feels.
I also love dad! I should help him feel like this!” My child has
learned reciprocation. Not only that but she wants to spread joy in
the world. My kid is already more generous and thoughtful than many
adults I have encountered.
“No thank you
Merritt.” I declined the offer.
“Why not dad?”
She did look truly surprised that anyone would turn down this
unbridled freedom that she was experiencing.
“Because it makes
me happy to see you happy Merritt. You look really happy right now.
Are you happy?” This is spill over from my work, trying to help
kids identify positive emotions and such. Imagine my surprise when
my child's face suddenly darkened and she replied in the negative.
“No? Why not
Merritt?”
“Spiders.”
“Do you see any
spiders?”
“No daddy, I just
don't like spiders.”
 |
| But I hug at four times human capacity! |
It would seem that
my child's hatred of spiders is so pure that even their existence
taints any and all other activities. In her mind; pleasure and
spiders cannot exist in the same realm. I could have tried to
explain to her that spiders eat bad bugs and might even save lives by
getting rid of bugs that spread disease, but her world is not that
big yet.
Then I got to
thinking, maybe she knows something that I don't. I did some
research and here are some facts that you may not have known about
spiders.
- Spiders are responsible for 58% of movie spoilers on Facebook
- Spiders were the ones that pitched Jar Jar Binks to George Lucas
- The director of Batman and Robin as well as Batman Forever; Joel Schumacher is a spider
- Nickelback is made entirely of spiders
- Hitlers mustache was actually spiders
- Spiders lay eggs in your hair when you are asleep, they burrow into your skull and give you dreams about peeing the bed. Then guess what happens. That's right, and it's all thanks to spiders.
- Spiders sold weapons to the Taliban in 1994
- Every reality show has a spider as an executive producer.
- Spiders are responsible for all anti vaccine propaganda
- Spiders routinely force flight delays
- Spiders are the ones eating half a doughnut then leaving it in the box at the office to go stale
Now I'm not one for
conspiracy theories, but this looks pretty bad for the arachnids.
Someday my kid and I will talk about the food chain and the
importance of a balanced ecosystem and how every creature fits a role
thanks to natural selection, except for Jar Jar. But for now, I will
deal with her dislike of spiders the way every responsible parent
does.
 |
| With extreme prejudice |
Cheers
L&P
