Hi folks, it's been a bit since we posted and there is a reason for that. As most of you know, we now have five kids. Five. There is more than a little bit of adjustment for our family and finding time to write has been playing second fiddle to changing diapers, doing laundry, changing diapers again, feeding people, changing diapers yet again, changing sheets (because spilled breast milk smells like nightmares after a couple of days), going to work, drinking coffee coffee coffee, not sleeping, pumping (for my wife), and engaging in mortal combat with a bed purchased from Ikea. More on the Ikea thing at a later date.
I'm going to warn you now that this will probably not be a very long post as there is currently no one crying in my home and bouts of silence typically only last for a dozen or so minutes.
One of the things that we have learned is that on the few occasions that we are feeling brave enough to embark on the odyssey that is preparing to leave our home with our entire brood, complete strangers can not seem to by pass us without offering their observations. I would like to share some of these pearls with you as well as why you should not ever say these things to someone that is in our particular situation.
"Wow! You sure got your hands full!"
Brilliant observation dipshit. If I have my hands so full then what the fuck makes you think I have time to banter with yokels about how my hands are full?
"Are they twins?"
Did you really make it all the way to adulthood without learning how long it takes for a human to gestate? They are clearly too close in size to be anything other than twins. I suppose they could be cousins, or we could be babysitting, but they are in a double stroller. I love all my nieces and nephews and all, but I'm not about to drop an extra $200 so I can be the world champion babysitter.
"God doesn't give you more than you can handle."
Ah yes, that explains why there is no such thing as suicide, problem drinking, or me crying in the closet hiding from my two year old.
"Better you than me!"
You insensitive bastard. First of all, our children are a gift. Second of all, I can't even remember what we are talking about because I have five kids and they never all sleep at the same time, which means I don't sleep. Am I at a Starbucks? Will you give me coffee?
"God knew I couldn't handle twins, that's why he didn't give me any."
Well, you sure are lucky that you know the the inner workings of the almighty. Strange that he didn't see fit to also grant you the insight to not pester someone pushing a shopping cart with one hand (filled with not only groceries but also two children) while dragging a double stroller with the other hand.
"You guys are crazy to have more children."
My wife and I apparently have a total combined awesomeness that could not be contained in only three children. Besides, judging by the interactions I've had with the populace there is a dire shortage of individuals that kick ass. My genetics mixed with that of my wife is shoring up the numbers for the rest of you ninnies. A simple thank you would have sufficed.
"You guys know where babies come from right?"
No but I know where you got that hand print on your cheek.
Well kids that is all for now. We are trying to get back into the swing of this. Thanks for your patients.
L&C
